Bio's

Barb City Swing Connection is a collaboration of three long-time residents of the DeKalb area who love dancing swing (East Coast swing, Charleston, and Lindy hop) and the blues. Brenda Hart, Tom Mack, and Susan Dockus dance regularly in the Naperville and Bolingbrook area and wanted to make swing more available locally. Brenda has been dancing for a number of years, has attended classes with instructors both from the Chicagoland area and of international renown, and has taught swing dancing lessons (with Mike Butler and on her own). Tom and Susan are former students of Brenda's who have joined with her to keep swing alive! See BarbCitySwing.com for information on future events as well as photos of past events.>

"Some people seem to think that good dancers are born, but all the good dancers I have known are taught or trained." - Fred Astaire

Dance Lessons & Social Dancing

1. Classes available locally:

  • Sycamore Park District, Winter 2011:
    www.sycamoreparkdistrict.com
  • Session I January 28 - March 4

    Swing I Fridays, 7-8 pm

    Continuing Swing/Charleston, Fridays, 8-9 pm
    Prerequisite - Swing I & II or approval by instructor

  • Session II March 25 - April 29

    Swing II Fridays, 7-8 pm

    Continuing Swing/Charleston, Fridays 8-9 pm
    Prerequisite - Swing I & II or approval by instructor

    The brochure is available online. Call the Administration Office at 815/895-3365 or e-mail them at info@sycamoreparkdistrict.com for more information

    FEES - $40 for Sycamore residents, $50 for non-residents

  • Kishwaukee College, Winter 2011:
    www.kishwaukeecollege.edu/face
    Swing Dance, Wednesdays, 7:00 - 8:30 pm
    Swing I, Dates to be announced(6 sessions)
    Swing II,Dates to be announced(4 sessions)
    See the current Continuing Education/Personal Enrichment brochure.
    Call 815/825-2086 for information.

2. Classes available a bit further afield

Classes are also offered at various studios in the suburban area. If you are willing to drive a bit farther, check out these websites:

3. One-hour lesson with social dancing More places for single lessons and trying out your new moves!

We hope to see you at our next event for Swing Dancing in DeKalb! Check our website for more information as it becomes available as well as photos of past events. And watch for e-mail notices and announcements!

Dance Etiquette

Elements of Dance Etiquette

by Aria Nosratinia

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Asking for a Dance

When asking for a dance, it is easiest to stay with traditional phrases:

  • "May I have this dance?"
  • "May I have this Waltz/Rumba/Foxtrot/etc."
  • "Would you like to dance?"
  • "Care to dance?"
  • "Shall we dance?"

    • In the past it has been the tradition that men asked women to dance. But this custom has gradually changed. Today, women should feel equally comfortable asking a partner for a dance, even in a formal setting. If your desired partner is with a group, be unambiguous and make eye contact when asking for a dance. If you vaguely approach a group, two individuals may think you are asking for a dance. You can imagine that the one not getting the dance is going to be miffed. Let's avoid such awkward moments by a decisive approach and solid eye contact.

    What if you want to ask someone to dance, who is enganged at the moment in a conversation? Is it acceptable to interrupt a conversation to ask someone to dance? Some would say that one's presence in a dancing establishment indicates a desire for dancing and everyone is fair game. Others say that interrupting a conversation is rude. In my opinion, ask someone to dance if you think he/she is ready to dance and will enjoy dancing with you at that moment. This requires you to be a good judge of the moment. Also, if you know someone well enough to know they don't mind being interrupted, then go ahead and ask them.

    Perhaps one way to handle this is to walk gently to the edge of your intended partner's "personal space", which is about 3-4 feet (one meter). It will give you an opportunity to ask them to dance. If your presence is not acknowledged, then it may be a good idea to find someone else for that dance.

    Exercising common sense and social skills is always a good idea. If someone is sitting closely with their significant other, whispering sweet nothings to each other, then it is probably not a good time to ask either of them for a dance. Now a different scenario: your intended partner is cornered by a bore and being lectured on weather patterns in lower Namibia. You can advance and stand close. Once your intended partner makes eye contact with you, smile and say: ``Dance?'' Usually, that is enough to do the job. If not, it is better to leave him/her to learn about weather patterns in lower Namibia.

    Sometimes two individuals simultaneously ask someone for a dance. In that situation, dance etiquette recommends that the object of attention should accept one of the dances, while offering a later dance to the other one.

    Whom to Ask

    If each person dances with only one or two others, the social dynamics of dancing will be compromised. For that reason, dance etiquette strongly encourages everyone to dance with many different partners. This is to ensure a diversity of partnerships on the floor, and to give everyone a chance to dance. Specifically, dance etiquette rules against asking the same partner for more than two consecutive dances. One of the common violations of this rule occurs when someone dances most of the night with their escort. The ruling of etiquette in this case is much the same as for the traditional (formal) dinner parties: one never sits down to dinner next to one's spouse. It is assumed that if spouses were interested primarily in talking with one another, they could have stayed home together. By the same token, going to a social dance demonstrates a desire to dance socially. This means dancing with a host of partners, and not just with one or a select few. I have heard a version of this rule that reserves the first and last dance of the evening to be done with one's escort, and other dances with others.

    People generally tend to dance with others at their own level, but you should try to dance socially with partners of all levels. Dance etiquette frowns disapprovingly on those who only dance with the best dancers on the floor. Although this is not a terrible offense, it is still bad form. Better dancers are especially advised to ask beginners to dance. Not only does this help the social dynamics of a dance, it also helps the better dancer (although it is outside the scope of this discussion to explain why or how).

    Unfortunately, there are some social dancers who consider themselves too good to dance with beginners, who cannot ``keep up'' with their level of dancing. It is often the case that these dancers are not as good as they think. They need good partners because only good partners can compensate for their mistakes, bad technique, or other inadequacies. The truly good dancers often seek the challenge of dancing with those at lower levels, and enjoy it. Good dancers make their partners look good.

    Declining a Dance

    Being declined is always unpleasant. For beginners and shy individuals it is even harder to take, and may discourage them from social dancing. Dance etiquette requires that one should avoid declining a dance under most circumstances. For example, there is no correct way of refusing an invitation on the basis of preferring to dance with someone else. According to tradition, the only graceful way of declining a dance is either (a) you do not know the dance, (b) you need to take a rest, or (c) you have promised the dance to someone else. The last excuse should be used only sparingly. When declining a dance, it is good form to offer another dance instead: ``No, thank you, I'm taking a break. Would you like to do another dance later?'' Also, declining a dance means sitting out the whole song. It is inconsiderate and outright rude to dance a song with anyone after you have declined to dance it with someone else. If you are asked to dance a song before you can ask (or get asked by) your desired partner, that's the luck of the draw. The choices are to dance it with whomever asked first, or to sit out the dance.

    Does dance etiquette allow declining a dance outside of the cases mentioned above? The answer is yes, if someone is trying to monopolize you on the dance floor, make inappropriate advances, is unsafe (e.g. collides with others on the floor), or is in other ways unsavory, you are within the bounds of etiquette to politely but firmly decline any more dances. Perhaps the simplest, best way is to say ``No, thank you,'' without further explanation or argument. Dancers are encouraged to use discretion and restraint when exercising this option.

    Being Declined

    The first thing to do when one is turned down for a dance is to take the excuse at face value. Typical social dance sessions can be as long as three to four hours, and there are few dancers who have the stamina of dancing non-stop. Everyone has to take a break once in a while, and that means possibly turning down one or two people each time one takes a break. The advice to shy dancers and especially beginners is not to get discouraged if they are turned down once or twice. However, since social dancers are generally nice and polite, being repeatedly declined can be a signal. In that case, it is a good idea to examine one's dancing and social interactions to see if anything is wrong.


    Pragmatic Dance Etiquette Tips

    (Primarily for Swing Dancers)

    Practical Partner-changing & Related Advice

    Swing folks are friendly around here (Boston area), and typically change partners almost every song -- although you certainly don't have to! We have put together a few practical tips, mostly related to partner-changing, based on what we've observed of Boston-area customs.

    Who may ask for a dance?

    Both men and women may ask someone for a dance. The classical phrasing is "May I have this dance?" The contemporary wording is usually "Would you like to dance?" but anything even remotely resembling it will do.

    • Note: People have a mild natural tendency to dance with people they already know, just because it's easier. This gives an initial appearance of cliquishness at the local dances -- but in almost all cases it's a false impression, and the dancers are happy to dance with anyone who knows even slightly how to dance. So just ask for a dance! (However, the local lindy hop clique is an unpleasant exception; most will not dance with anyone except their fellow cliquesters.)

    Timing: when EXACTLY to ask someone to dance -- a pragmatic tip for novice gentlemen dancers.

    Normally, one asks at the beginning of a song. However, when we Gentlemen are brand new at Swing and don't have a very big repertoire, we often get dismayed by the prospect of leading our 5 or 6 moves for an entire three-minute song -- we feel that the fascination is gone (for her) long before the end of the song. So here's a secret tip: wait on the sidelines until halfway through a song and then ask her to dance. Ingenious, yes? (Also, during the song, switch back to Closed Position from time to time.)

    Be specific!

    Always ask one particular person to dance. Do not go up to 2 people standing together and ask, "Would either of you care to dance?" What will happen is each of them will hesitate and defer politely to the other, but you'll see it as total rejection. (This is the Voice of Bitter Experience talking at ya -- from both ends of the experience.)

    Reverse advice: Sometimes the only reasonable option is to go up to 2 or more people standing together and ask "Would any of you like to dance?" If you do this, be prepared for an embarrassingly long period (it's only a few seconds, but it feels like forever) while the people hem and haw, checking politely and nonverbally with each other to see if anyone has a strong preference one way or the other. At some point, each and every one of them will defer to the others, and you'll feel like an idiot the entire time this is happening. Just stand there and keep smiling, and eventually someone will say yes. Probably.

    When to say yes.

    If someone asks you to dance, dance with 'em -- unless you don't want to. On the one hand, it's friendlier to say yes, and the dance is only 3 minutes, so it won't kill you. On the other hand, it's the 21st century and you are no one's slave. Etiquette strongly supports you in saying no if the person is dangerous or offensive (physically, morally or olfactorily), or if you've promised the dance to someone else already, or if you are resting or heading for the water trough.

    How to say no.

    If you want to say no to someone who asks you to dance, do so. It's your life and limbs. Etiquette explicitly says that you do not have to give reasons, despite the strong American predilection for doing so. Something like, "No thank you, not just now; perhaps later" works fine. (You can keep saying it all night if you have to.) Add a smile to cushion the blow. Then wait out the whole song (gracious classical approach) -- or at least 20 seconds (modern approach) -- before you dash onto the dance floor with someone else.

    When someone says no.

    If someone declines to dance with you, accept it graciously. If he or she offers an excuse, pretend to believe it. Let's face it: either the excuse is true or it's because of you personally. If it's personal, you probably don't want to know about it, so just assume that the excuse is true. Around here, you'll almost certainly be right -- the local Swing dancers are remarkably nice in general. For example, if you get rejected right after a fast song, chances are the person is genuinely fatigued. Wait about two songs and then ask again. When to give up and assume it's personal? You might want to use the Rule that someone once told us was standard amongst the Country Club set in which he grew up: if someone declines 3 times without offering a compensating alternative (such as "next song, okay?"), forget it.

    Danger, Will Robinson!

    Physical danger. If you are being maimed during a song, stop dancing and head for the sidelines -- even if it's the middle of a song. Say something along the lines of, "Gee, my shoulder suddenly seems to be hurting" if you are timid, or, if you are more straightforward, "Excuse me, but you've hurt my arm. I'm going to stop now." And then walk away -- it's not a discussion; it's not a negotiation; and you do not need permission or approval from the maimer to stop dancing with him/her.

    • TIP: If it happens once, it might just be a random accident. But if it happens twice, it will happen a dozen times -- your partner just doesn't know what's going wrong nor how to fix it. End it! For your shoulders' sake!
    • WARNING: You will probably feel completely weird the first 2 or 3 times you do this, and the look of stunned surprise and hurt on the maimer's face will make you feel even weirder. In our dance classes, we actually practice this business 3 or 4 times, to get those weird initial repetitions out of the way -- it should be a part of your natural behavioral repertoire, not some theoretical construct that you have never used. If it helps steel you for the effort, we'll mention that one of our favorite female dancers was out of commission for over 2 weeks once because a guy repeatedly hurt her shoulders while she was being too "polite" to end the dance early.
    • DIAGNOSIS: Most casual injuries in Swing happen at two points: (a) Yanking-jerking. Some men -- and far too many women! -- will yank during the Rock-Step. Disaster. (b) Outside Turns. These include the Arch Turns and even the standard exit from the Sweetheart / Cuddle / Wrap / Basket. Many guys will pull the Lady's hand down towards the end of an Outside Turn move -- very bad for the Lady's shoulder. Worse, many Ladies were never taught good arm skills (super-short summary: elbows down, elbows in!), compounding the disaster.

    Fondling and groping. Same principle applies if you are being fondled in ways you dislike: stop dancing, say something to the creep, and head for the sidelines. How can you know if the groping was intended or accidental? Trust your feelings, Luke -- you will be correct 99.99 percent of the time. Yes, there are one or two gropers on the local dance scene, all male at the moment -- the most common local technique is that he switches to a swoopy ballroom-ish style and pulls the woman's upper body so close that her breasts are pressed against his chest, while he pretends that he doesn't notice. (In case you are wondering, this was NEVER correct for ballroom styles, and every guy on the planet knows this. If it happens, you are being groped.)

    We strongly encourage the victims of gropers to say something: to the creep, to the managers of the dance, and to your dance teacher past or present -- your dance teacher can direct the information quietly to the right people, if you want it handled quietly and anonymously. And to everyone else you know. If you don't, a lot of other people are going to get victimized. And you could have prevented it.

    Gentlemen Moving/Kicking Backwards: Gents, never move or kick backwards until you check that the area there is unoccupied! Usually, it happens halfway through a move that started out forward, so you are not as attentive to danger as usual -- get attentive!

    • Note to others: If you see a guy moving or kicking backwards towards you, assume that he does NOT know what he's doing and, for your and your partner's safety, get out of the way.

    When the song ends.

    When finished a dance,

    (i) APPLAUD THE BAND EVERY TIME (many people rudely forget), then

    (ii) thank your partner with something like, "Thanks for the dance!" Traditionally, one added a third step:

    (iii) walk your partner back to the sidelines. However, the time for finding a new partner between songs is so short these days, that most partners prefer that you skip this bit.

    How many songs in a row?

    Dance one song with someone, then change partners. Maybe two in a row, but not more than that. (We have no idea why, but this seems to be the way it works around here.)

    Dance with partners of all skill levels.

    Overcome your shyness and do it. It's good for you. And it makes everyone a better dancer sooner, which means more fun the next time out.

    Dancing with someone LESS skilled than you. Be gracious -- stick to stuff she or he can handle, and then, when you are comfortable with each other's dancing, slip in something one degree harder, and then (maybe) two degrees harder. Come back to those one or two things until your partner is comfortable with them. Never over-dance your partner's capabilities. Always try to make your partner look and feel like a terrific dancer. And for heaven's sake, NEVER criticize or offer instruction, unless your partner explicitly and repeatedly demands that you do so. (Do all instructing on the sidelines, by the way, never on the dance floor.)

    Dancing with someone MORE skilled than you. Concentrate! Smile! Do your best! Suppress the urge to apologize, except maybe once per song just to get it out of your system. Don't worry if you flub things -- the second or third time they happen you'll get the hang of 'em.

    See you on the dance floor!

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